In one of the Star Trek (OS) episodes the Enterprise is taken over by a group of aliens who have a device that turns humans in to blocks of minerals at the touch of a button. Too bad these Cinder-rays are not readily available at Target or Costco as a defense against the so called Christian reactionaries who write such hateful garbage about the Obamas. Here is the latest outrage: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris-kelly/townhall-michelle-obama-i_b_177947.html
These clowns are a certain argument that there is no intelligent design and that God is dead, asleep or out to lunch. Maybe he’s just too busy trying to straighten out the banking mess caused by the Republican Wall Street greedheads to pay attention to cackling Ravens much less the fall of sparrows. Therefore, since God is busy, I would like to be Jesus for a day and take my aforementioned Cinder-ray and put it to good use. I would make a long list, and as these fat oafish, bloviating, windgbags huffed and puffed and regurgitated their bile, I would in my loudest God like voice say something like: O’Reilly you just piss me off. Then I would turn him into a salt block. I would wait until Oxycontin’s Own Ma Limbaugh was in the middle of one of his rants and say in the loud God voice: Limbaugh you are no longer a Big Fat Idiot. You are a small skinny hexahedron. Then I would fry his dead dumb ass. The list would be long and satisfying: Hannity, Tammy Bruce, Michael Savage, Ann Coulter and the rest of that crowd of Hate Radio and Hate Television mouthpieces. They all roundly deserve to be turned into salt blocks.
The neat thing about the Cinder-ray was that it could restore the salt blocks. So after these morons served an adequate time out, I would return them to their former state. Just kidding!
Yeah, yeah, I know all that crap about forgiveness and turning the other cheek but that wears painfully thin after a time. And maybe God forgives these peckerwoods for their venomous attacks but Lyle Lovette nailed it for most of us: “God does but I don’t and God will but I won’t and that the difference between God and me.”
April 8 2009